Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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