I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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