His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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