Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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