I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
