I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
