My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Bring me that man meat
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
