Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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