so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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