can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
