worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
