yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
