You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
