U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
