I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
