The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
