i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
