Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
