i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
