saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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