Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize