You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
