Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
