I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
