Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
