Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
