I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
