we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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