dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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