Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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