so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
