You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
