We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
