Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
