just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
