she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
