your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
