got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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