Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
