Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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