i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
