two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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