nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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