So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
