dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
