but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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