I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
