Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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