I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
