I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
