I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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