So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
