im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
