SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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