She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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