I think my vagina is haunted
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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