one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
where are you?
Hypothermia
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
