she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
