Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
