did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
