good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
