That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
