Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
