Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I still have a little drunk in my system
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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