found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
