You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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