Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
