Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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