She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize